4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
