Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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