This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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