I'm eating all of the evidence.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
