Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
