Tell her she can't have a vagina
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Actions speak louder than pants.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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