You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
