I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
