So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why is there bacon in the couch?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
