Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
