dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
