I just cut my nipple shaving
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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