Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
