fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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