I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
