i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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