Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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