People in love make me want to vomit
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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