My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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