Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
