I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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