if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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