I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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