Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
