dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
