I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
