Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
