He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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