i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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