I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
