I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
