What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
