Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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