Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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