R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
