We're facebook friends in real life
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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