Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
my poor anus
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