Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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