so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
