Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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