I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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