I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
