I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
