shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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