Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.