And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.