There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)