Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
