$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Actions speak louder than pants.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
