so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
