I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
