I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
