What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
