Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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