hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
