In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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