If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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