3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
