That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
