You just made me feel so damn special
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sarcasm needs its own font
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
