Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
