At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
