I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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