Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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