i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
