Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
