And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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