Me too!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
