we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
