Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
