Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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