Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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