Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
