Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
