I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
