i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
