does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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